I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
