I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
