she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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