I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
