we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
