Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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