Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
