So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
