My underwear smells like fireworks.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
