My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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