does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
