I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
