New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How external is "for external use only"?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
