White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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