He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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