i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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