I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
