break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just pynch a tree in the face
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
dude. I can hear the air.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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