I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
