I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
