party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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