Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
