is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
