so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
