we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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