I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
