just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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