my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
