Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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