I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
