the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
