I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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