There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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