allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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