hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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