Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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