using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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