I'm drive I can fine osifer
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
