I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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