I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This house was built for laser tag.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
