what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
