He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
