Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
