is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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