More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
