I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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