is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
