How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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