got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
