You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
