Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
