You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
