HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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