Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
is wine microwaveable?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
