i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Randomize
