you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
